Was that an earthquake? No, my stomach just growled.

So this past Wednesday the east coast experienced an earthquake. Yes, it was crazy weird. Yes, we all felt it. But was it a big deal? No, not really. I'm sure people in California want to smack the crap out of all of us for going on and on and on about it.

 A 5.9??? We sleep through 5.9's. And why, pray tell, are the rest of you states freaking out? We've burped bigger disturbances than what you just experienced.

Ha! But seriously, it was cool though. I am actually mad at myself for not being more aware of my surroundings that day. Let me tell you my earthquake experience:

Dylan was taking a nap. So Hunter and I decided to take all our art stuff outside on the back deck and color, paint, etc. It was so beautiful out. The sun was shining, the sky was deep blue, there was a lovely warm breeze... We had been coloring for about an hour and I looked at the paints and thought- I should try and make a tie-dye painting.

**Sidenote- I have a slight obsession with tie-dye. I just have always loved it. It's totally rad, like, for sure.**

So I'm all excited about this painting and it's actually turning out REALLY AWESOME. So Hunter is assisting when all of a sudden we hear this strange rumbling noise (very muted, muffled). It did vibrate the house. Hunter stops and says- "Mom, is our house haunted??". To which I reply- "Of course not Hunter, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS!!"

**Sidenote- Ghosts really scare me.**

Then I told him it was just construction or heavy equipment of some sort. As soon I said that though I thought- You know, I honestly don't know what that noise was...

Within 5 minutes my phone started ringing off the hook. First, my brother Stevie- who filled me in on the entire situation. My Dad lives in Virginia so we were wondering if he was alright. Then Landon called. Then my cousin Sarah. In between all this I was trying to get ahold of my Dad but couldn't- all circuits were down. Then my mom. Then Landon again. Then my Dad finally got through. I texted my Aunt Susan. Then Landon one last time.

And then facebook.... oh sweet, ridiculous facebook. That place BLEW UP with earthquake posts.

And all of these people: Steve, Dad, Landon, Mom, Aunt Susan, Facebook- had awesome earthquake stories. Everyone's talking about walls swaying, computer monitors sliding across desks, things falling off shelves, being in meetings and cubicles almost tipping, people mistaking the swaying for themselves getting sick, sitting on the toilet when it happened and being oh so confused. Yes! These are all true tales!!

And me?? I was covered in paint, screaming about ghosts and constructions crews, trying to discern a rumble that was the equivalent of a hunger pang. Yeah. So that's my earthquake story. Nothing exciting what.so.ever.

I bet I would have noticed it if I would have been inside, sitting on the couch, with my laptop, 'liking' stuff on facebook.... Lesson learned.

And one last sidenote- Here are our two earthquake paintings! Hunter's is on the left. Mine on the right.

You should see mine all framed- it looks too cool. I told Landon I want to sell them to which he laughed. I can only assume he LOVES the idea! haha, perhaps not...

Shark Week

As I was watching t.v. 2 weeks ago I saw a commercial for the infamous 'Shark Week' on the Discovery Channel. Shark Week is pretty awesome- scary- but awesome. I was a bit disturbed however to find out that 'Shark Week' fell on the exact week of our vacation... at the beach... where I would be swimming in the ocean. I told Landon before we left...

Me: You know it's shark week...
Landon: So??
Me: We're totally going to see sharks at the beach this year...
Landon: So??

Well fine then. And sure enough... we saw sharks. Dylan, my 3 year old, LOVES to swim in the ocean. Hunter is more cautious but enjoys being out there as long as someone is holding his hand. I had taken Dylan out fairly far and we were enjoying floating over the waves. A HUGE wave came in and I hoisted Dyl up as far above my head as I could while the wave crashed over my head. I took that as a sign: time to go in. So we went up on the beach and sat under the tent for a while. It wasn't too long when I saw some people running. I saw Landon get up and walk very quickly toward the ocean. I thought someone got hurt actually... but none of the lifeguards seemed to be doing anything so I was confused. Landon walked a bit faster and a instinct told me to get up and grab the video camera. I ran toward him and hit record and sure enough- Sharks had flooded the area we just got out of. They appeared to be "playing". The entire section of ocean had cleared out of course and by then the lifeguards were making everyone get out of the water. There was a whole family of sharks swimming right up to the shore. And, in true doofus fashion, I was so immersed in the situation that I was videotaping about 2 feet too far to the right and only caught the fins of the sharks for a second. The whole clip is just of the waves. Nice Laur, real nice.

Here is the clip... fins on the left hand side, at the 3 second mark.

The lifeguard talked to us and told us that the sharks were confused by the tide change and that they COULDN'T swim back out. Yeah. Okay. All I kept picturing was this:

They also said they were "scared" of us and that we shouldn't worry. Whatever you say lifeguard who I've never actually seen touch the water. I'll just send my kids out there for a swim now. Maybe Hunter can help them with their math skills and send them on their way back out to the briny deep.

In the end it was pretty cool. We got to see sharks firsthand and after an hour everyone was back to swimming. We didn't see them again either- thank God. Landon actually caught a baby shark in his cast net at the end of the week. Pretty sweet...

Shark week indeed.

A vacation story: how ridiculously stupid other parents are.

I have a few blogs I hope to post about our trip last week to the beach. I took some great pictures and I am hoping to make a vacation movie of sorts- but all in due time. Life is back to its original busy state- even one day after vacation ended.

The story I want to tell you is a short one... and as you can see by the title- it's all about stupid parents. I am truly convinced that you should have to apply to become a parent. The application process should be so difficult and exhausting that only people who really want and love children would go through with it. I am a people-watcher so I enjoy watching others interact. Unfortunately there is no filter on this "hobby" so I have to take in all the crap as well the interesting stuff... Enter my story...

I think that every kid loves tickets: winning them at an arcade or a carnival or having to give one to someone at a fair to go on a ride. I found a great site online that makes up printable tickets- movie tickets, carnival tickets, prize tickets, and I printed them out and set up little games around the living room and each one the kids win they get a certain amount of tickets. They trade them in for snacks or toys I've put away for a while. It's alot of fun. Hunter will even set up the games for me and let me win tickets. OHH YEAH!!! GAME ON!!! As I whip the ball at a stack of cups....

SO, Landon had taken the children to Alligator Adventure for a little boys afternoon out. I met them at the park and waited outside the gift shop for them. As I waited I watched a whole parade of parents, dragging their children into the park, 92% of them chain smoking and yelling at the kids to watch out for the turtles. (Umm, first of all, why in the name of all that is fresh air would you smoke in your kids face? And second of all, turtles? TURTLES??? You are entering a place called Alligator Adventure and you're worried about your kids walking around turtles?? I think you need to visit a different place, maybe someplace without animals, like McDonalds, or Mattress Discounters.) So, this disturbing parent/child parade clears and out comes a Grandma and her 2 grandchildren. I thought to myself- "How nice! She took her grandkids out in this heat to see the animals. Good for her!" So her little granddaughter runs ahead of her, laughing and skipping- she was adorable- and she runs to the end of the bridge and blocks the way. When her Grandma and brother made it to the end of the bridge she holds out her hand and says: Two Ticket Please!!!! The Grandma smiles and says- Okay sweetie! Reaches into her pocket and.....





Wait for it......







.................






Pulls out a pack of cigarettes and puts them in the little girls hand. Here you go kiddo! 2 tickets!



I.am.not.joking.



My mouth dropped open so fast I looked like one of those fake singing fish. The little girl handed her Grandma the cigarettes back and they got in their car and went home. Wow. Just wow.

I guess when you don't have any real tickets, cigarettes are the next best thing. I'll have to remember that next time we set up a carnival in the living room.... Sorry kids! No tickets this time... but if you knock down all the bowling pins I'll give you each 5 cigarettes!!! HOORAY! I'm only kidding of course.

*Fun fact: Hunter thinks 'cigarettes' are actually called 'ciggaroos'. I don't correct him. It's too funny.*

So yeah, I got to witness some real gem stories this past week. You gotta love vacation!! It's good to be back though... till next time...


Seashells and cigaroos,

Lauren

Robots

Robots are pretty awesome. I feel like perhaps this might be one of several posts about them over the years. I guess you'll have to wait and see... but today I wanted to hop on the computer and share a brief tale of what just happened but 1 hour ago.

Dylan was eating breakfast in the kitchen. Hunter wasn't hungry quite yet so he was watching cartoons. I walked into the living room to see if Hunter was ready for breakfast. I was being my usual goofy self and decided to be a "robot" to make Hunter laugh. I walk in all robotic and talking in that go-to monotone robot voice.

"Hunter. I. am. a. robot. I. am. a. robot."

Hunter looks at me. Looks back at the tv. Looks back at me. Then back to the tv. I'm sorry, was I just being a robot and got completed ignored???? So I try again. This time, with more gusto!!!

(Doing a really cool robot dance move) "HUNTER. I. AM. A. ROBOT... A. TICKLE. ROBOT... AND. I. HAVE. COME. TO. TICKLE. YOU."

Then I proceeded to tickle him. I waited for a roar of belly laughter and his usual response of jumping right into whatever character I've started. But no! Nothing!! He just stared at me and was doing his best to squirm away from my tickling. Then he started to CRY....

"Mom, will you just stop it! I hate it when you're a robot. You're a person. A PERSON!!!!"





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Wow, what just happened here? That is not how I envisioned this going...



This brings up a few questions:

1. How many times do I pretend to be a robot?? Clearly if I made my child CRY then it has to be a ridiculously large amount. But I honestly don't bring out the robot too often.... 3, maybe 4 times a day. No, I'm kidding...

2. And why would it upset him so much? Is it because I am just that convincing? Does it really appear to him as though I've morphed into a robot that he feels the need to remind me that I'm a person? (A PERSON!). .

3. A tickle robot! Come on kid! Who doesn't like a tickle robot?!

Well, I'm happy to say this story has a happy ending. I gave Hunter a hug. Wiped away those 2.5 tears he managed to squeeze out of his little cute eyeballs during the ordeal. (I'm convinced it was fake crying...) And I went a made a peace offering: 2 Wildberry Toaster Strudels, icing strategically placed on top, both cut in half. Just the way he likes it.

"Here you go Hunter. 2 toaster strudels for you, just the way you like them. I'm sorry I made you upset. Love you bud. You little robot you."

"Thanks mama. That's okay. I love you too...... Wait, what did you call me????"


Haha, sometimes I crack myself up...

Shadow People.

My last post was in April. It's now creeping up into July. Clearly my dream of having a daily/weekly blog should have just stayed a dream. My life actually got BUSY. I didn't realize that once one of my kids was in school and we started getting involved there and with sports that free time is non-existent. It's been awesome though... I'm so glad school is out for Hunter. I'm so glad school is starting for Dyl. We've been having a WONDERFUL summer!!

And so, drum roll please... a blog about....

Shadow people.

I hate them.

I always have.

I always will.

Do you all know what shadow people are??? It's those big black cutout's people put in their yard of various people/animals. I call them shadow people.

I googled 'shadow people' and got a mysterious array of ghostly websites. Wrong google, dead wrong. So here is a website that sells a whole mess of them- http://www.thewinfieldcollection.com/print_catalog/People. I noticed that they have one of Elvis. I think I may have to rethink this post now. I do love me some Elvis....

Seriously, what is the point of them?? (Other than the awesome Elvis one.) I.do.not.get.it. Is there a certain message you want to relay to people by displaying them? Or do you really like the look of them?



We've decided to get a fake dog for the yard. Isn't he cute? Sit, Come on boy, siiiittt. I SAID SIT!!! Good dog.







Why, hello creepy little children. Yes, you do look inviting, don't you? Did that little one just say something??? ((shudders))



Nothing says WELCOME! like a massive 6 foot black bear in your front yard.

What do I know though? Maybe these add some whimsy that I am unaware of. I guess these could be cute... ugh, who am I kidding. I still hate them. I'm trying to find something positive about them since I know there is a huge Elvis cutout I can purchase. Uhhh huh.

I moved to this area 7 years ago and along the one road here there is a certain shadow man that the owners have strategically placed RIGHT BESIDE THE ROAD. Now, this is a back road, in the country, it has some curves, etc. People hit deer on this road allll the time. I've had to stop so an actual bear could cross. So why on earth would they stick this man right along it is beyond me...

ANYWAY, so over these past 7 years that shadow man has scared me almost every.single.time. I've been on that road. ESPECIALLY at night. Without fail, I forget it's there and either- a.) slam on the brakes thinking about about to hit someone/something or b.) swerve thinking about to hit someone/something. I AM GOING TO CAUSE AN ACCIDENT!! And to top it off, the dude is holding an American flag. I can't totally hate him if he's got our Country's flag!!?? For the love...

Yeah, this is definitely accurate. Look at my face. See how scared I am??? Ugh....

If anyone has one of these in your yard- I'd love to know why. Unravel the mystery for me, won't you?? ;)

Until next time...

Fireflies and Freezepops,

Lauren

A Beach Story

Well, I woke up this morning to dark skies and rain. Where is my wedding dress?? Hunter! Go get the matches!

I thought I'd share a random beach story with you all today. All true of course, drama and all.

I absolutely love the beach. I love the ocean. I love being in the water. It's pure bliss. What don't I love?? The creepy water creatures the roam beneath. It's not that I don't like sea life- It's beautiful and intriguing... I just prefer to encounter it at aquariums or in fishtanks or on Animal Planet. This is my only stress while I'm on vacation. My love for being in the ocean trumps my fear- so I just try not to touch the bottom of the ocean floor and that seems to help.

My Dad says that every year I get "bit" several times by a sharp seashell. No Dad!!! It was a crab!! I swear!!

SO, back to my story. Last summer on vacation, Landon had taken the kids inside for a nap. Dad and I stayed out on the beach. He was reading one of his many sports books and I decided I'd take a swim... alone. The water was soo warm and there were a lot of other people out in the ocean so why not? I jumped the smaller waves and got out past the breaking point of the waves and started bobbing around. The sun was beating down, seagulls were soaring around, the sound of children laughing while building sandcastles, the ocean water was just cool enough to feel amazing, it was the perfect day. As I laid my head back and floated over the waves I thought- This is so relaxing. It's so peaceful. I am so glad we are on vacation. It's not even nerve racking being out here all by myself......

Then it got really quiet all of a sudden.

I lifted my head up and looked around. Some of the people had swam in. But in the meantime I had floated out a little farther than I had been. Not much mind you... just 10 feet or so. That's okay, I thought. No big deal- I'll paddle back in in a few minutes. I should just put my feet down to make sure I can still touch the bottom. So I go to look down into the water to get my bearings and what do I see???

Thousands of fish had surrounded me.

I had floated into a very large school of fish. I was literally bobbing in the middle of their "school". So what did I do? COMPLETELY PANIC. But I didn't panic over the fish. I paniked because I just knew, KNEW, that there were several sharks looking for lunch and they were headed in to eat these fish right now. So naturally, I screamed bloody terror. And then I swam faster than Michael Phelps in the 200m freestyle. Seriously, you put me in dark waters with some seaweed and sharks and I am the next US Swimmer Olympiad.

So I run to report to my Dad all that has just happened to me- to which he gives me a one-eyebrowed "Mmmmhmmm." It happened Dad! I swear!!! But I guess I can't blame him for being skeptical. Several years ago we were all swimming in the ocean and a dolphin swam about 6 feet from us and I freaked out and yelled- SHARK!!! and cleared the ENTIRE beach... haha. Good times. Goooood times.

The Winter Crazies

Well, I've certainly been slacking off. It has been such a long winter. The boys were literally sick for 5 months straight and I was sick half the time as well. I was completely exhausted and had little to no creative mental capacity to keep up with my blog.

Dear Blog, I've missed you. I'm sorry I've ignored you for so long. I gave you a fresh new backround though. Now, let's get back to entertaining the whole 13.5 people who read this. Love, Me.

What is up with the weather here in Pa?? SERIOUSLY... I've had it. The next person to mention global warming within earshot of me better have good health insurance- you're in for a tail whooping. We get one really nice warm day followed by sleet and freezing temperatures. I need the sunshine! I need the warmth!! I feel like a mental patient being cooped up in the house all the time. I start getting these crazy non-sense ideas...

((What to do today, what.to.do??? I'm so bored and if I have to sit here and clean again all day today I'll go mad. I need to get out of this house- but wait, it's 33 degrees and dumping icy rain all over the place. And it's so dark outside- I should just take a nap with the kids. Yes, a nap.... and then I'll wake up and be even MORE tired than when I started. And I'll have even less motivation to do anything productive. [Enter the crazy...]

I should color my hair myself- perhaps purple highlights...I know I have a few packs of koolaid somewhere. Maybe I'll give Dylan a mohawk while I'm at it...

Maybe I'll put on my wedding dress and make Hunter carry the train while I greet all my faux party guests...**ding ding ding, I'd like to make a toast**

I should paint a mural on the living room wall- something classy, like an Elvis memorial...

Where is my 80's cd mix?? I've got my legwarmers and head band and I want to make a music video...

We should turn the house into an amusement park of somesort! Okay, Hunt- you get the sled from the basement- set it at the top of the stairs. I'll put a huge bucket of water at the bottom. That'll be the log flume ride... Yes, you and Dylan can ride but you have to make sure you stay seated and keep your arms and legs inside the sled at all times. We must insure safety you know...

What's that Hunter? You want to roast marshmallows in the living room? Sure! We'll take these Lincoln Logs and place them just like so... now, you go and get the matches while I take the batteries out of the smoke alarms. They don't teach you this sort of genius in Boy Scouts, I'll tell you that much...))

SEE WHAT I MEAN? If you know me even a little bit you know that I am really not kidding about any of those aforementioned ideas. This is what lack of fresh air does to people. Thank God for webcams...

Does anyone else feel like this?!?!

Well, I think we're finally coming to the end of this cold weather... and my winter mental illness. I hope so anyway- I'm sort of bored with the webcam. Summer weather should be here soon and I can't wait to get outside and "get the stink blown off me" as my mother always says. But until then, I'll try get some funny posts out to you in the meantime!

Dandelions and Daisys...

Lauren