My First Date

Excuse me while I dust off my keyboard...


Okay. Better.


It's been a really long time since I've blogged. I've wanted to write posts so many times throughout the past two years but life just got busy... and one must prioritize internet time when one is busy. I only have 3 spots available for internet usage in my life. Blogging, unfortunately, took the #4 position:
1. Pinterest
2. Facebook
3. Instagram
4. Blogging


I've decided it's time to be funny again. Perhaps this will be the only post in 2014--- I hope not but let's not get ahead of ourselves...


I think a good story to get back into the swing of things would be "My First Date". So without further ado...

Let's take a trip back to 1995. It was chilly outside. It was November if I remember correctly. I was fifteen years old. Tall, thin, and lanky with just a hint of awkward. I had gold-rimmed glasses that were entirely too large for my face. And braces. Fifteen did not look that good on me. Picture a blonde Olive Oyl...

Anyway, I had a crush on an older boy in my school- Ryan. I think it's safe to say that 99% of the girls who were at my school back then thought Ryan was "like, totally cute" and had a crush on him at one point or another. (The other 1% would have been his sister.) He was fun and funny and well-liked- so imagine my surprise when he asked me if I wanted to go out to lunch with him and his brother, Joel and his girlfriend, Christine.

*Fun fact: Joel and Christine are married now with 5 gorgeous children!

Do you know the sheer terror and nervousness that goes along with excitement when you are a teenage girl who's been asked out by an older, popular crush?

So after several distracted days and nights of replaying how the entire event would go in my mind over and over and over- I was ready. It was going to be perfect. I would look adorable. The date would be fun. I would be charming and witty.  It would be the best day of my entire life!

Oh Lauren, you sweet little delusional teen.

Pizza Hut was the destination for lunch.

I like pizza. Excellent.

I remember not saying much on the drive there. I was nervous. My hands were clammy. We get there and are seated. I sat beside Christine, across from Ryan.

Good. We can gaze into each others eyes. Wait, am I staring too much? When is the last time I blinked? Blink Lauren, BLINK.

Okay, maybe he'll order a drink with two straws that we can share. Here comes the waitress... she's asking what I want to drink. He's not ordering us a drink to share so answer her Lauren, ANSWER, and blink for crying out loud... 

The inner monologue was not helping my situation. So I quickly told myself to shut up and order a drink. BEFORE I GO ON, you must know something about me- I love water. I rarely, if EVER, order something besides water. I drink water pretty much all the time. So, for what ever reason I tell the waitress...

ROOT BEER. LARGE.

This was my first mistake.

We order our pizza and the waitress leaves to go get our beverages. As we waited, the juke box starts playing random songs as it did back in the good ole days. We no sooner get our drinks, me with my LARGE ROOT BEER, and a song comes on... "Can You Feel The Love Tonight?" by Elton John. Now, anyone who is older than 25 should know how popular The Lion King was back then and how great that song was from the movie. Well, my daydreaming, overly nervous, teenage-self took this as a sign from God.

Why else would this song be playing at this exact moment in time? We are meant to be together! Oh my goodness! And caaaan you feel the loooove tonight? {tonighttt} 

You know you're singing it.

And of course the guys make some comment about the song (or probably were singing it) when it started to play and that was about all it took- I animatedly tried to partake in the conversation but instead knocked my entire large root beer all over everything. and everyone.

Umm, waitress? Check please.

Next stop on the date course- the park.
 

Okay, good. Open spaces, no liquid in cups of any kind... This will be fun. Nothing bad can happen here.

So we go to this little park full of beautiful trees and gazebos. It was November so any leaves that were left were red or orange. It was still lovely. We kind of paired off and walked around. I became more relaxed at this point since I didn't figure I could be any more embarrassed than I already was at lunch.

This was my second mistake.

We were walking around, seeing who could identify the most types of trees. It really was nice- wholesome, innocent fun. I don't know what came over me that I thought perhaps now would be a good time to be athletic. 


I'll race him over to that gazebo. I'll be running and he'll be running and I'll leap into his arms and he'll swing me around and it will be magical.


I took off running and leaped up into a gazebo, ran right through it to the other side where I tripped and flew right out the other side...


 into a pile of mud. 


I just lay there.

Joel and Christine were probably like-

(You like that Lion King reference there?)


Well, that was the icing on my gigantic root beer flavored cake. I was mortified. Of course, he helped me up. We laughed about it- even though I didn't find it the least bit funny at the time. It was probably an absolute riot to see in person. Anyway, I brushed myself off and finished our date as humbly as humanly possible. We made a few more stops after that and it ended up being a lovely first date. I have fond memories (clearly) and can't listen to that Elton John song without smiling...




I should have braced myself for the future. Apparently I have some sort of genetic problem where I become klutzy in any sort of  dating scenario. This was the first of many weird, embarrassing events that happened to me on dates. I'll save that for another post though.


I miss those innocent days. I miss hearing stories like that. Things are so different now- and not in a good way. I pray that my boys have plenty of funny, good, clean stories to share. I hope they meet some nice, naïve, clumsy girls to take to look at trees. Those are ok dreams to have for your children, isn't it?!

Until next time...

Root beer & Mud,

Lauren