My Top 10 Pet Peeves.

I think I'm going to name the next dog I adopt "Peeves". That way when people come over I can say- This is my pet Peeves. hahhahahhahahaa. Okay, that was lame.

Definition of 'Pet Peeve': an opportunity for complaint that is seldom missed.

Really? Okay. Got it.

10. Whenever you are doing some light facebook stalking through someone's photo album and every single picture is one of themselves doing a pouty face and a peace sign. Mix it up once in a while and cross your eyes or something.

9. Whenever you are singing a song a capella and someone joins in and sings either a.) faster or 2.) slower than you are. Thank you, you just officially ruined 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat' for me.

8. When someone (I won't mention any names.) throws their dirty clothes on the floor... right.beside.the.hamper. Alright, I know it's difficult throwing soft items in a large open square basket, but seriously- take the extra millisecond and give it a try.

7. People who think their views on global, economic, religious, and political issues are the only accurate views out there. They are right and everyone else is wrong. And if we don't agree with them, then we're all going to be taken out back and stoned. I'm sorry, I didn't know you were the great, the powerful, Wizard of Oz.

6. Those who can't spell (or won't spell correctly due to laziness). Yo, how r u? Wat r u doin 2nite? BUYING YOU A DICTIONARY, K?
          6a. People who TyPe LiKe ThIs. Grow up.

5. People who complain about absolutely everything. And then complain some more. I hate my life. Why does everything always happen to me? I swear, this day needs to be over. SHUT UP ALREADY!! Last time I checked you were alive (although I don't know for how much longer if you don't chill out), healthy, had a car to drive, a roof over your head, money to spend, food to eat- you have no idea how lucky and blessed you are.

4. Being tickled. Don't ever tickle me. Ever.

3. Finally getting to watch a movie that looks hilarious and instead of humor it's full of naked chicks and crudeness. Yes, we get it. You're naked and you can swear. Congratulations. I can throw up funnier stuff than this. Next time I'll take my $9.50 and buy a bottle of ipecac.

2. When you're on the phone with someone and they are clearly NOT listening to you. You can hear typing in the backround and what were direct responses to your story have turned into "uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh". Oh Hunter is loving school. Uh-huh. I had his parent-teacher conference the other day. Yeah. And they said they had to make a decision- either expel him or turn him into a monkey. Uh-huh. Cause he ate all the pencils and then set the playground on fire. Yeah. So I got upset because, clearly, I can't have a monkey for son! Uh-huh. So I took out my magical wand and turned her into a Pineapple and yelled- Who lives in a Pineapple under the sea?! SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! Wait, what???

1. Bad Parents. This, by far, is my biggest pet peeve. Do us all a favor and spend some time with your children. The main reason your kids are irritating the rest of us by acting like brats is because you don't spend any time with them. You don't hug them, you don't play games with them, you don't show them any love whatsoever. So how can we possibly blame them for being so annoying? This is your fault. So get your kids out from in front of the tv, put your cell phone down, get off the computer, and spend some quality time with your kids. Read them a book, make-believe an adventure, bake some cookies together, something! anything! And while you're at it- put a coat on them when they go out cause it's freezing outside, and wipe off their koolaid mustaches for pete's sake. Thank you and good day!


Hope u guyz liked it. YeA, AiGhT, LaTa!

Lauren

Driving 101

Driving is one of those magical privileges that I love and hate all at the same time. It started out as pure love- and has slowly progressed to a love/hate relationship at this point in my life. I imagine I will just hate it eventually- and then re-love it all over again when I'm 82 and throwing all caution to the wind. I can just picture my old, wrinkly self cruising down the very center of the highway, doing 97 mph, not allowing anyone to pass on either side, blasting the Macarena, steering with my knee so I can do the motions. I am SO looking forward to that time. Seriously.

Anyway, I remember when was 5 or 6 years old my Dad would let me sit on his lap and drive our old mint green Ford LTD. That car had no business being labeled a "car". BOAT would have been more appropriate. Anyway, he'd let me sit on his lap and drive our back road home. I thought that was the coolest. But eventually Dad was just getting in the way. I needed my space! I was 6! I needed my freedom! So I'm sure I pestered the heck out of him to drive the next few years...

I got a little older, maybe 12 years old, and Dad would let me drive in an empty parking lot. SUCCESS!! Behind my Dad's office was a big empty lot that I had to myself. I'd go out there, adjust the mirrors for 13 minutes, pull forward, back up, pull forward, back up, over and over. I'd practice and re-practice parking, and then of course, drive laps around the lot, speeding up to a whopping 27 mph. That felt fast enough when I was 12. I was in heaven. I'd turn the radio up, Whitesnake would be on the classic rock station. Time out though! I have to pull over so I can manually roll the windows down. Ahhh, I miss the 80's. It was a simpler time, wasn't it?

Then I got a little smarter. 15 years old. It was time to get serious. I was going to be getting my license soon. I needed to be prepared. I love driving. Driving is the coolest. I NEED to drive. And of course, cue the dramatics of a ridiculously silly 15 year old girl. Like, I have to totally practice driving. It is so unfair that I can't get my license now. 15 is only 1 year away from 16 and I am like SUCH a good driver. This is probably the most important thing I will ever do in my entire life!!!!!! And I am so over driving in the stupid parking lot. Who drives in a parking lot anyway?? Let's just ask Dad if I can drive his nice fancy company car... he's pretty cool about stuff, he'll probably say yes... 

Me-"Dad, can I drive your car around the block?"
Dad-"No."

BARNICLES!!! What to do, what to do? Lightbulb! I know! I'll ask my friend Janelle- 10 years my senior.

Me-"Janelle, can I drive your car down to the 7-11 and back?"
Janelle- (Throws me her keys) "Don't wreck."

SCORE!!! I love driving!!



*Of course, things were different back then, even 15 years ago. So as a sidenote to all children who do NOT have their license yet- do.not.drive.until.it's.legal. The end.



So then, turning 16 was bliss, license in hand, I drove anywhere and everywhere, any chance I got. My best friend Shannon could have cared less about driving so I toted us both all over the east coast. (A blog about those adventures to come...). And the love affair with driving continued all through my teen years, well into college, marriage, right up until I got pregnant with Hunter...

Let me tell you, I gained a cool 60 lbs when I was pregnant with Hunter. By my last trimester I looked like bloated Elvis and I could barely fit behind the wheel of my Sunfire. This is when I started to hate driving. Not only could I not fit behind the wheel, but I could barely push in the clutch because my once thin, bony feet had turned into fat, plump sausages. Driving was starting to become somewhat of an annoyance. And was it just me, or was everyone's driving habits becoming worse??? I began to dread driving anywhere- it was just such a hassle! I remember a few times going out during the summer and the warm breeze would be blowing through the car, a great tune on the stereo, and thinking- why don't I do this more often? All it took was for me to get stuck behind an Amish Buggy going 11.5 mph uphill for me to change my tune. I blame my bitterness at that time on hormones though... Yes, the hormones made me do it.

And of course, when you have a little newborn in your vehicle, you suddenly become the World's Most Cautious and Safe Driver and no one, NO ONE, can drive safe enough around you. I'm very upfront and honest and don't hold much back and that surely did not waiver once I had my kids.  Let me paint you a picture...

So yes, I think that phase is past now that I'm not pregnant and my children are older. All of you in Indiana County can rest easy. I will not be terrorizing your streets anymore.

I think one of the funniest things EVER on the road is the camaraderie with other vehicles- ones which you have no inkling as to who is in them. Some jerk is driving like a maniac and like magic you and 7 other vehicles ban together to teach him a lesson. He is swerving in and out, cutting people off one after the other, and all of a sudden we become a moving swat team- driving like stuntmen to lock him in a lane- leaving him unable to pass anyone else. Frustrated he gets off an exit and everyone left nods and smiles at one another in approval. Mission accomplished friends. Farewell...

And, of course, the guy who drives by everyone at a dangerous speed (where's the fire buddy?) and 20 mins later you're still driving along and boom, Mario Andretti got pulled over by a cop. HA! I always slow down and smile and wave as I pass them. Moron.

Ahhh, good times. And just for good measure- the guy in the gray car is Jeremy (serves you right!!). So aside from hating sitting in traffic, driving in icy conditions, and the never ending Dr. appt trip- I find cruising around quite fun. I could go on and on with some amusing anecdotes of my driving... but I see this post is already getting lengthy. So I'll stop for now....

But how about some feedback this time- What do you love about driving? What do you hate?

Look right. Look left. Look right again.

Lauren

Just another day in the life...

Play-doh. What would the world be like without Play-doh? Well, I only assume life would be completely the same- but whatever- Play-doh is awesome. We have quite the collection of colors and accessories. I remember Hunter first getting Play-doh a few years ago and I had no problem whatsoever shoving him aside so I could create the World's longest snake! followed by the Biggest pile of purple spaghetti EVER! Apparently, I'm 5 years old- but I digress... I still love the classic toys. Nostalgia sets in and I'm in heaven. It takes very little to entertain me. Anyway, having my own two children has allowed all these toys back into my life and I am totally loving it. Here's a peek into a random day at my house...



Blanket laid out, bin of Play-doh out, cartoons on. We're ready.





Do we have enough? No. I don't think.







Of course we had to lay everything out and divide all the tools out evenly...




Hello! Had to make the tube...




Compliment of Hunter. Notice the artsy way I took this picture- my children all blurred out, whilst the cow is crystal clear. Genius.




"Hunter, I DOUBLE DOG dare you to take a bite of the meatball." ((Dylan and I snicker in the backround))




Hunter and I decided to make a big Play-doh meal.




A feast fit for a King! Regular AND pink spaghetti, saltwater taffy, a cupcake, a hotdog, and mint chocolate chip icecream.




Hunter made this and I had to get a good shot of it.





We got some cool "stamps" to play with too- the fun is endless...

I never quite understand parents who don't "play" with their kids. No matter what age the kids are, no matter what their interests are- there are a TON of awesome things to do. Whether it's Play-doh, blocks, huge forts make out of sheets/blankets, water balloon fights, superheroes, bubbles, hide and seek, a boardgame, a video game- I always take the time out to have fun. For me, it's not so difficult- I enjoy pretty much everything on the aforementioned list. ha! (shocking, I know.) So many of my single friends have a hard time relating. "Aren't you bored? Don't you get sick of kid stuff?" Nope. I'm not bored at all and I'm still half-kid. I am busier now than when I was in school AND worked. And unfortunately, I know the day will come when I won't be the coolest person in Hunter and Dylan's world. (Someone hand me a Kleenex please) So, I will keep on enjoying days filled with my two lovies and buckets of Play-doh...

Bells and whistles.

Lauren



I have a GUEST BLOGGER!

May I have your attention please! Introducing...the ONE...the ONLY... My mother, Colleen- blogging about none other than- me.

Hello everyone!  This is Lauren’s mother- Colleen.  I’m Lauren’s special guest here on The Secret to Laughing today.  I’m so excited.  She is very funny so I have my work cut out for me.  I’m not nearly as funny as her.   Her story about Hunter’s bad attitude really made me laugh!  The saying that an apple doesn’t fall far from the tree is the truth!  Yes.  Yes.  I know you all find this hard to believe but there was one time, just once, that little Miss Lauren had a bad attitude.  Can I do a smiley face here?  J  Obviously you all know that Lauren has a touch of “Drama Queen” in her.  If ever there was a Drama Fairy with a wand who swept fairy dust over a person to make them dramatic, then the Drama Fairy took her magic wand and  beat Lauren over the head with it because there was definitely high drama in our house when she was growing up.  I’m going to go down memory lane now and paint a picture of Lauren acting just like Hunter.  Picture it, 1985, we lived in the “blue house” (that’s how Lauren and Stephen have always referred to it) in Linden.  It’s a spring day and I have just washed my living room curtains and I’m ironing them.  As I iron each one I lay it across the living room recliner.  So Lauren comes over and sits on them.

Me:  Lauren, get off of those, Mommy just ironed them.

Lauren:  Scooches her little behind down further on them, wrinkling them up.  Blink Blink. 

Me:  Lauren.  Get up off the curtains please.

Lauren:  Folds her arms across her chest.  Blink Blink

Me:  Lauren.  Off!  (I pull her off the chair)

Lauren:  First she falls on the floor as if I unceremoniously dumped her there.  And when no one says, are you okay? She jumps up and gets back on the chair and scooches back down on the curtains.

Me:  “Lauren, Mommy said no!”   I pick her up and take her to her bedroom straight down the hall from the living room.  I put her in her room and tell her to stay there until she can listen.

Lauren:  Starts wailing, crying, yelling, and it keep accelerating and getting louder and more hysterical  until this is what we are hearing… “I….I….I…can’t ….. I can’t breath!  Ah, ah, wah wah, I can’t….I….I …..can’t breath!!!!!  More crying….more breathing….laying on the floor in her bedroom door now,  wahhhh, I can’t….

Me:  Her dad and I ignore her.  I continue to iron…..

Lauren:  More rolling on the floor, more hysterical crying, more I….I…..I …….when all of the sudden she stops!   She says, “Isn’t anyone going to pay any attention to me?????”

Me:  I go flying back the hall…I’ll give you attention!  If you want something to cry about I’ll give it to you.   Yes.  I’m sorry to say that she did get a spanking.  But then she said, “I love you Mama” – that’s what she called me, Mama.  And you know what?  I love her too! 

Am I getting lazy already?

It's hard being a blogger.

Whenever I started this blog I had just gotten into a routine with Hunter in school. I had Dylan's naptime coordinated just right so I had time to write up a blog, edit it during bathtime, and boom- BLOG'S UP. But that last for like 2.5 posts and a weird un-sync-ed video. Madness sort of broke out the past few weeks and I haven't had too much extra time- not only that but I just had nothing too interesting to report.

Nevertheless, I hope to get some more posts out there these next few weeks before the holiday season begins- HELLO CHRISTMAS COOKIES! I think I've figured out my video issue AND apparently a good handful of you want to ask more questions. I guess that was a hit? Maybe I should just do a weekly sort of "news show" of sorts. Forget the writing and just broadcast a 15 minute show. I think I'll call it- "Yesterday's News Today". Ooo, I just got chills. That sounds so riveting.

So, if you are "following" my blog on a regular basis- keep an eye out for all new material in the next few weeks. I appreciate all the fun comments, emails, hiarious questions, and critiques. It's nice to have a new hobby!!

In the meantime, I'll leave you with a short story... Hunter had quite the attitude problem the other evening. Come and join me as I relive the moment:

[Voiceover: Hunter has a horrible attitude and has been whining for quite some time. Mommy enters the room and discovers the mess has not been cleaned up.]

Me: "Hunter, what is the deal? These toys are not cleaned up. I've asked you 3 times now. GET.IT.CLEANED.UP."

Hunter: "Maaaaaaaaahhhhhhhmmmmaaaaam, I don't WANNNNT to clean it upppppp. (Whine, fuss, whine, fuss.)"

Me: "Did I make this mess?"

Hunter: "No."

Me: "Who did make this mess then??"

Hunter: "Dylan."

Dylan: [looking very confused and perplexed responds only with a blink] BLINK BLINK.

Me: "Don't throw your brother under the bus like that."

Hunter: "I didn't throw him under a BUS!"

Me: "Wait, no you don't get it. That's a phrase you use, oh nevermind... Seriously, get your toys cleaned up."

Hunter: "Ohhhhhhh (rolls eyes, sighs, huffs, puffs)"

[Lauren's now reached her patience limit. Get ready for Mother-mode in 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1...]

Me: "You know what Hunt, you have had the worst attitude this afternoon. I have just about had it. You need to start listening the first time so we don't have to have this argument. So I am only going to say this one more time- GET YOUR TOYS PICKED UP. And let me tell you one more thing, if you don't change your attitude this very second- I'm gonna change it for you."

[A hush falls over the crowd]

Dylan: BLINK BLINK.

[Hunter ponders my words for a moment while cleaning his toys up, what a good boy.]

Hunter: "Oh Mother, how do you plan on changing my attitude for me????"

Me: "................................"

[Lauren loses the battle by bursting into fits of giggles.]




Oh my Hunter... He is sooo good. He is such a thinker and has to breakdown everything I say to get to the bottom of things. Landon and I are so lucky to have both our boys. They are polite, well-behaved, kind, FUNNY, good-listeners (98.2% of the time), and just all-around loveable. How boring would my life be without them?? =)

Razzle and Dazzle Everyone.

Lauren